David left yesterday to go to Ireland on a week-long hiking trip with his best friends. It’s not the longest we’ve been apart (I’ve traveled 3 times this year without him), but it’s the first time I’m home alone in France. Well, I’m not all alone, but Cosette likes to spend most of the day sleeping in the dresser drawer so it sure feels like it.
I saw an ostéopathe Wednesday for my back pain and he told me that I was basically a boule de nerfs. I know I’ve always been a stressed out person, but I didn’t think it was causing so much pain in random parts of my body. I get headaches almost everyday now, and my lower back is constantly tense. Though I’m sure part of that is caused by sitting at my desk and working (ahem, playing) on the computer all day.
It’s not so much living in France, but rather living in an apartment in a city that stresses me though. I will never get used to having neighbors so close or the sound of traffic (I want to hurt kids who ride scooters at night) right outside the window. The stores are always so crowded, regardless of when I go, and I have no desire to fight through mobs of people all the time. I can’t even go grocery shopping without feeling rushed and nervous.
Everyone knows, or should know, that I’m slightly anti-social and I prefer animals to people. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully relax here. The ostéopathe recommended exercising, running, biking, swimming, just moving in general to loosen up my muscles. But the thought of trying to ride a bike on French roads with French drivers… or swimming in a pool packed with random people that I don’t know… um, no thanks. Just going outside doesn’t appeal to me half the time when the weather is rainy (15 degrees C is not summer, stupid Alps!)
Speaking French still makes me nervous sometimes, especially on the phone. I haven’t seriously studied French in a long time. Maybe it’s due to not being in an actual class, but I have so many books and websites that I could be using and that I should be using, but I’m just not. And considering that I should be able to work legally in 6 months, I need to improve my speaking and interviewing skills so I can find a job and have a real income.
I know I need to stop being so lazy (I will miss you, my beloved streaming downloads of How I Met Your Mother) so I’m going to create a schedule for exercising and studying everyday. I need to be disciplined about this. I really do want to feel better.